雜記

週末又坐了一趟心情電梯。ㄟ,應該說是心情大怒神.. ㄟ,不對,應該就是只有往下,自由落體直到地獄那樣。

常常跟自己說,要以家為優先,但我是太在意自己了
常常跟自己說,碰到問題要先檢討自己,但我還是都在檢討別人
常常跟自己說,要做個言而有信的人,但我卻一直破壞對彼此的承諾

謝謝你把我從情緒地獄中拉回來。謝謝你提醒我,這個家有三個人。

重新檢視自己的目標,就再努力吧!這次,重點方向不要搞錯了

(是說,有人注意到努力是四分之三出力氣,四分之一靠奴性嗎?)

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薑醬會說把拔了

叫得超大聲

有時沒找我的時候也會叫,但我知道他知道把拔的意思。

現在開始學講話了,說最多的就是把拔! (得意貌)

不枉我每天陪兒子玩玩具跟看書啊! (媽媽心已碎 XDDD)

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看到小孩被砍殺的事件,好心疼好心疼。作為一個父親,我也會去想像,如果是我,有沒有辦法阻止這件事情發生 (沒有)。

而如果是我,我應該會當場… 你知道的,但我們不能提倡暴力

但在我尚有理智的時候,我還是不支持死刑的制度。如果不能保證司法機關不會因為誤判而像這兇手一樣奪走一條無辜的生命,我沒辦法接受這樣的制度。

無法想像那媽媽的心痛。無法想像那媽媽的堅強。

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離職倒數兩天。

 

來除個草

放棄了週記形式後,毫無意外地這邊就長草了。

但其實應該要多紀錄的,畢竟很多事情過去就忘了,透過寫廢文,至少可以在腦中整理,加強印象。像我昨天不知道又想到什麼可以寫的東西,然後今天就又忘了

記性變差,腦子裡理解與整理的速度變慢,最近非常有感。不知道是因為最近太少用腦呢,還是我純粹就是老了變笨了?

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兒子開始愛講話了,一直機哩瓜拉地,不一定是跟我們講,常常是自言自語。很好奇他在想什麼啊!然後現在也比較積極教他要一些名詞跟發音,因為他之前可能很多都聽得懂了但是就是沒有要開口的意思。最近這樣就開始教他發音了,但是兒子只有他自己想到才會想要跟我們一起發音。當然很多時候我們覺得他發音正確了可能只是父母的腦補 XDDD,但是至少我們聽得出兒子是有在講特定的詞,而不是咿咿呀呀地亂說,因為他的發音會很一致而且可重複。

話說昨天晚上兒子說夢話了XDD 而且還很激動哩!

現在一直要他說話要教他,沒多久大概就會開始希望他閉嘴了吧 XDDD

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過年前買了Kindle,至今也才看完一本書。時間上的管理還需要加強,接下來時間真的自由的時候,希望不會就這樣炸掉。

自己有好多好多不足的地方,所以每天都在焦慮,然後不知道怎麼樣朝更好的自己邁出那一步….

 

2016W2

In the past week or two, Tony’s gone from walking a couple steps at a time to full-on walking around. He still walks like a zombie, but he’s nevertheless walking unsupported. I guess Tony’s graduated to toddler status now that he can walk. He’s beginning to reach at the edge of our tables and desks now too, which means less room for us to put our stuff without fearing Tony’s grabbing at it. It’s crazy how fast he’s growing up, and it’s a lotta work to keep up with modifying his environment to keep him safe. It reminds me of the first six months we had ah-play the cat, who was able to reach new places on almost a weekly basis on account of his growing leaping ability. (By the way, she’s now 1.5 years old and already fat and lazy)

We started apartment hunting recently, as our current crib is a bit on the small side and we’re having trouble making efficient use of the space we do have. Rent is pretty expensive around the city, so we’re expanding our search a bit. If I had my way, we’d be living in the boonies, but alas my family consists of more than myself. Compromises and reworked priorities and the zero sum game of keeping everyone happy, that’s what marriage and being in a family’s about, I guess.

I finally got my hair cut after something like three months, and I was that close to being able to tie my hair up. The wife finally got her perm too and dare I say it looks pretty good. But why is it that many sources of happiness cost a lot and don’t last very long? I need to reexamine that list of luxury vs necessity…

 

2016W1

Twenty-sixteen seems like a good time to start blogging in English again. Unlike the past few years, I actually have expectations of 2016. Changes are on the horizon, and that’s a good thing. The past few years have been a virtual standstill in terms of personal development. Last year of course was almost entirely about raising Tony, and with his addition to the family comes a shift of priorities for me. Before Tony was born, I was almost content with any job that pays half decent; after Tony was born, I found it almost unbearable to be spending time away from him without enjoying myself. The logic here is that the quality drop-off from spending time with my family to being at work is too steep for me. The solution is… well I don’t really know yet, and one of my goals for 2016 is to figure that out. It seems like a dangerous time to be thinking about change what with a family to raise and all, but I think, I hope, in the end, that it’ll all be worth it, that we’ll be happier when the dust settles.

 

W53 結束與開始

2015的最後一週,也是2016年的開始。

兒子滿一歲了,也意味著我們當了一年的爸媽了。最辛苦的還是閃妞,這一年來當全職媽媽,那辛苦我想我不太可能完全理解,儘管我已經盡量在陪兒子了。但在半夜要餵奶的不是我,每天時間都被兒子綁著的不是我,兒子哭著要找的也不是我。我能做的只有盡量減輕老婆的負擔,但還是只能做到一個程度而已啊。

老婆,這一年來辛苦你了!雖然說接下來一樣會很累很忙,但是我想經歷了這第一年,我們似乎越來越強悍(?)了。2015算是充滿挑戰的一年,2016我想也少不了。謝謝你的付出與包容,今年也請多指教了!我很期待跟你一起努力喔!

薑醬,你終於滿一歲了。你阿爸阿母雖然一直在喊累,但是每次只要看到你的笑臉什麼疲勞都融化了。從你出生一直閉眼,到緩慢的追焦,到現在一雙鬼靈精怪的大眼睛到處看,我們好想好想知道你在想什麼喔!這一年我們非常幸福,可以這樣看著你每天每天的進步,每天每天的長大。我們做得不好的地方,你總是不放在心上,我們脆弱的時候,你居然也懂得給我們你最溫暖的笑容。小小年紀就如此貼心,你阿爸真的是自嘆不如。我們也許不是完美的父母,但是我們會很努力在你的背後看著你長大,在你需要我們的時候,我們一定都會在。希望你能一直保持好奇心,一直這樣開心,健康地長大!

生日到現在,其實常常在思考2016的事情,也初步給自己訂了一些目標。今年對我來說將是個充滿改變的一年。我其實感到非常焦慮,但同時也很期待。對於人生的一些課題,我很想相信它們並非無解,所以今年我想要積極點面對它們。要時時提醒自己要心存感激,盡力而為。

2015的週記計畫就到這邊畫下句點了。53週寫了42篇。雖然不是百分之百,但也不少篇了,還是有收穫,而這才是重點不是嗎?